we got pink!

I know the title is decieving because in the adoption world this means something totally different but this pregnancy continues to feel just like the ups and downs of adoption. Yesterday was quite the day. Let me start off by saying that everything turns out well. Over the last few days I have been feeling crampy and just out of sorts. I just thought it was pregnancy stuff and went about my business. Yesterday however I decided to call the doc just to find out. So I am able to leave a very calm message for my doctor about cramping and a little brown spotting (sorry for the detail but if you've ever had a miscarriage the colors important.) and should I wait till my app. on thursday or did she want to see me sooner, then I went along enjoying my day and awaiting a phone call. Then I used the restroom, at this same time the phone rang, and I also saw an alarming bright pink color on the toilet paper. So by the time I reached the phone the calm cool and collected girl that called was gone and frightened hysterical Sarah had arrived. Erin, who is my doctors right hand lady, was on the other end. She has seen me through every one of my miscarriages and I really feel like she is a friend. I know thats silly but whatever. So she tells me she will set up an ultrasound and to get on the phone and find someone to watch Lily. I call my saint I mean mom :) she is on her way to an appointment but she turns her car around and comes to my rescue. Moms, especially mine, are wonderful. Then I call Peter who didn't even hear me past I'm bleeding he said I'm coming home. So my saint and my knight and shining armor come to my rescue. Erin calls me back and says she is super sorry but the soonest ultrasound she can get is 3:00 it is 9:30 in the morning at this point. My mom took Lily to her house and Peter and I lay on the couch cuddled up trying to find a movie to keep our mind off the current situation. About 15 minutes later Erin calls me back to say that a doctor has an opening and she wants to see me. I can not tell you the relief of not having to wait another 6 hours. At the doctors office they find a heartbeat and check my cervix which is not dialating. Can you hear my squeals of delight, but we keep the ultrasound appointment at 3. Now Peter and I feel much better and we decide since we have a day together we should go out to lunch. At 3 oclock we go to our ultrasound app. where our cutie pie is kickin back with feet up in the air as if to say hi guys I don't know what all the fuss is about. I'm fine in here thanks for the cozy spot mom. And now for the pink, it is still pretty early to tell but the technician says she thinks our Alexander is an Alexandra! there are no boy parts to speak of. She said the story may change at the next appointment but were pretty sure we have to get busy thinking of a girls name. Keep me in your thoughts as my doctor has not recieved the results of the ultrasound yet, but the technician said she thought things looked great and we have a very photogenic little girl. I thought that was funny!

Summers Here!

I don't have any new pictures. I have been very bad about taking the camera out of my purse but I must share. Last year Lily was not a happy water baby. Swimming lessons were a bit like torture. The above picture is one I took after telling her we were going to swimming lessons last summer. This year my good friend has been gracious enough to give swimming lessons at her moms pool. I went to our first lesson with the expectation that Lil and I would just hang back on the edge and watch. She refused to put on a swim diaper or a bathing suit. So she stood on the edge of the pool fully clothed and splashed. Then she saw a rather enticing toy and I told her we could go get it together. She was hesitant but then she said okay and in she went clothes and all. She floated on her tummy, put her mouth in the water, loved ring around the rosie (which is pocket ashes song in Lily speak), and even wanted me to continually throw her up in the air and catch her. Today we went swimming in our kiddy pool in a swim diaper. So she is coming around to the idea that water is fun. I am so excited.

One more story. On my last day of work I was getting into my car after loading Lily and all her necessities into the car. I sit in the seat turn on the engine to hear EAT come from the back seat. I go in the house grab some grapes and a juice cup and come back to the car. Hand mi princesa the grapes and hear crackers. I tell her she can have grapes and that we are going to get Nonnie coffee so she can have a muffin. Lily is alright with this hands me the grapes and says no like. We are driving a few minutes and I hear grapes come from the backseat so I hand her the bag and all is quiet. Then I see hand outstretched and no like it comes from the back. I take the grapes back and we continue. A few minutes later I hear a whole sentence. Mommy pancakes please. Wow a please! I tell her I'm sorry honey Mommy doesn't have pancakes. All is quiet again for a few minutes. Then at the top of her little lungs which I might add don't seem that little she yells PANCAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I laughed until tears were streming down my face. Sure honey let me just whip you up some pancakes here in the front seat.
Signing out for now servent mommy.

FFF #5

Lily is getting more and more independent as each day passes. She wants to do everything herself. I do it I do it is her most used piece of vacabulary. when it comes to PJ's she is no different. She must pick out the appropriate wear (the bottoms must be shorts to show her knees. She says like daddy. Daddy needs to start wearing dresses because mommy misses her little one in dresses.) and then she must dress herself until she gives in and says help with things like buttons. This picture is not of Lily in PJ's but it is just after her bath when we were trying to pick out our evening outfit. The doll is Lucy. Daddy and Lily picked Lucy out together last friday. Lucy has been everywhere with us since. Lily is putting Lucy nite nite. Then she layed down with Lucy and we covered her up and told her nite nite. She promptly sat up crying and saying no nite nite. I guess night night is not to be joked about quite yet. It took us awhile to convince her that we were just helping Lucy go night night and it wasn't bedtime yet. The picture of Lily and Daddy is just because we are definetly a daddy's girl right now.

There's a baby in there

So I am starting to show. Well really I look like I have had a little too much pizza but I know it's baby in there. I am going to highjack Lily's blog once a month to show my progress. This pregnancy is still not a reality. I have never taken a positive pregnancy test that led to a baby so this is a new reality to me. I think when I can feel the baby move that it will become a reality. In many ways it feels like the beginning of Lily's adoption before we got the pictures of her sweet face. It was just this fantasy we liked to talk about. She remained a fantasy until she was placed in my arms. The ultrasound pictures feel much like the update pictures we received of Lily. Not as cute but I am on this euphoric high when I see that little beating heart just like when Lil's face would appear on my computer screen and then we would go back to our daily lives and the talk of our baby would seem unreal again. I think many women feel this way even if they haven't had trouble getting pregnant. My body just doesn't feel that different.

We have chosen a name if it is a boy. We can only agree on a boy name if he is a she she may go nameless. Alexander Elias is our name for a boy. Alexander is Peter's middle name and a name he really likes. When we were first trying to start a family he always suggested A but I always vetoed it because it was too common. I had to be Sarah K. most of my life in school and despised it so I wanted a defferent experience for my children. 5 years later I like the sound of it and Lily and Alex go really well together so Alex it is.

I must admit I despise this picture so next month it will be more flattering but here is my baby bump. Can you use that term if you are not famous?

FFF #4

Here it is one of my favs. This is Lily and her cousin Ava. You can't beat cousin love.

FFF #3 and some news!

So I have been keeping a secret for the last few months and I got the okay to share my news. I am pregnant 12 weeks to be exact. I am dumbfounded and amazed that there is actually a little being growing inside of me. Especially because I am not supposed to do this. No fertility drugs no special visits to the doctor just a miracle. I must admit that my reaction to the news that Lilyana would be a big sis was strange. I felt as if I was betraying her or that I was somehow making her more of an adopted child. I feel like now we kind of hide behind a cloak of anonoumity. No one asks us any questions anymore. I feel like brining a biological child into our family is just going to make things harder for Lily. As I have time to get used to this idea I have come to the realization that a sibling is merely a blessing for my girl and that she is going to have to deal with the issues of her adoption whether we have a biological child or not. It was just my heart wanting to protect her. Wanting her not to have to realize that with all of the joy of adoption that there will also be pain and lastly that I have my own issues to deal with.

That being said I had an ultrasound on thursday and the baby looked like a baby no longer a little shrimp. It was the cutest little thing and it even sucked it's thumb! I walked out of the office balling. The first time I let myself feel a connection to this little being. The doctor graduated me to a normal pregnant girl status. Which is a double edge sword because that means I will also get ultrasounds like a normal pregnant person. No more peeking inside my womb every other week.

FFF #2

I thought as I went to look through our extensive catalog of pictures that there would not be many pictures of me and my sassafrass. Simply because I am usually the one behind the camera. However I am happy to report that there were lots of pictures of Lily and I. So in honor of mothers day here are pictures of my cuddle bug and I in no particular order. If you would like to join the fun and see other favorite foto friday posts check out the link at the side of the blog called Kiss the frog for me.