Kissing & Colorado

To all my friends who have recently been swimming with us look what I got on my sassy girl. Lily has refused to wear a swimming suit. She has given in and let me put a swim diaper on her but the bathing suit has been a no go. Yesterday we had a breakthrough and I got it on her without a single protest. She has been living up to her nickname of Sassafrass Keep reading for more examples.

I even got a kiss in said bathing suit!

My mom and I had a trip planned to Colorado and I decided against everyones advice that I should go despite my personal life. So we took off last Monday and spent a week with my mom and her friend known all my life as Aunt Martha. It was good to get away. Lily loved flying on the plane. Everytime we got off she would yell another one airplane and we had to drag her off. She also started some rather interesting and not so cute habits while we were away. She yells bad kids when people approach her and try to smack them. She does not know what a kid is because big or small everyone is a bad kid. I am not sure where this is coming from. I was mortified at several restaurants. She almost made contact with a waitress. I assure you we do not tell her she is a bad kid. She has heard us tell our dog Stuey that he is a bad dog. The word bad has been stricken from our vocab for a little while. Please let this phase end soon!!!!!! Even with the yelling at and near contact with many strangers who quickly decided she was not as cute as first imagined we had a nice relaxing time. Lily has also decided that the camera is not her friend and will not under any circumstances look into it. So all of my shots are candid shots as she hides her eyes and turns her back if the camera is near. :)

This horse is about my size

running from the camera our new favorite past time

Box o goodies at Auntie Marthas

Kissing the friendly penguins

Hee Hee we tired sassafrass out!

Happy Anniversary!

Happy Anniversary to the best decision I ever made. Today is Peter and my 6 year anniversary. We had this whirlwind romance one summer and fell completely head over heels in love. He had just moved back to CA after working many years as an airplane mechanic and was laid off so he came home to California. I had the summer off and was footloose and fancy free. We both had lots of time on our hands and we spent all of it together. Three short months later he asked me to marry him and I said yes yes yes. My parents said a big WHAT? as he was still unemployed, but I had faith. He did get a job and is a responsible loving husband and father. We both understood my families reaction but what can a girl do when she's in love.

My wedding Party

I love you honey


My girls. These are the girls who have stuck by my side through thick and thin. I don't always talk to them as much as I should, but I always know they are only a phone call away. I love you ladies.

Sponsored student

Meet our student sponsored through Mayan Families in honor of our angel Luciana. Here is this cuties story. Her life in unimaginably hard can you believe with all she has to bear she can still present that beautiful smile. She gives me the strength to continue smiling as my troubles seem to pale in comparison to hers. If you would like information on sponsoring a child please go to the Mayan Families link on the side of this page.

Emy is 6yrs old. . She lives in Panajachel.
> She is in kindergarten.
>
>
> She lives with her father, Ernesto 30yrs old and her mother Alicia, 29yrs
> old.
> She has one brother and one sister.
> Felix is 11yrs old. He is in 6th grade.
> Emy is 6yrs old. She is in kindergarten.
>
> Ernesto works as an assistant at carnivals. He only comes home once a
> month. He drinks a lot and he does not give enough money to Alicia to
> be able to support the family. He is physically abusive when he is
> drunk.
>
> Alicia washes clothes by hand in private houses. She earns $8 US per week.
>
> They own their home. They have two rooms made of cement block.
> The roof is tin sheeting.
> The floor is cement.
> They have an outside kitchen made of cement blocks, floor is cement
> and tin roof.
> They have three beds.
> They do not have enough blankets for the bed.
> They do not have a closet.
> They keep their clothes on a shelf.
> They have one table and two chairs.
> They have a pila.
> They have a bathroom.
> They have electicity connected. They pay $11 US per month.
> They have water connected and pay $1 US per month. They have not paid
> the water bill for three years.
> They have a small woodburning stove.
> They do not have an onil stove.
> They do not have a water filter.
>
> Felix has a heart problem. He has an enlarged heart. When he was a
> baby he received treatment. Last year he started having pains in his
> chest. The mother has not been able to afford treatment for Felix.
> The father does not believe that the son is ill and will not help the
> mother financially to be able to pay for his medical treatment.
>
> Alicia also suffers from pain in her back and she says pain in her
> lung. She has a lot of black spots appearing on her body.
>
> They often do not have enough to eat. When they have food it is
> mainly beans and pasta. Often they have only tortillas with salt to
> eat.

God bless you little Emy!

FFF Father's Day

Meeting his baby girl for the first time

So your my daddy. Ya know your pretty handsome.

Father's Day was unfortunately swept under the rug this year due to a family emergency. So I wanted to give Lily's daddy and my honey an extra shout out on this fathers day post. Peter didn't know if he was up to this task. He wasn't sure he would have enough patience to be someones Daddy. I assure you that he has surprised himself and he is wonderful and patient and funny with his girl. I am so proud that he is the father of our baby, I mean big girl. He is just such an amazing dad. So I love you honey and Happy Belated Fathers Day.

changed

So for now this blog is still about me as I am in need of some healing and this appears to be my spot to do a lot of it. I have not suffered great loss in my 33 years of life. The people I have lost have been elderly and although sad it has been expected. The funny thing about miscarriage is most of the time one does not feel aloud to grieve because the baby was only real to you. This miscarriage I feel more aloud to grieve because we had ultrasound pics of a developed baby girl. I know I don't need the right to grieve but Luciana was real to me and I want to thank each of you who has aknowleged this. Grief is kind of like a winter storm where you feel like everything is grey and without life and healing is like the spring weather where things begin to bloom and things you don't know were there before begin to come to life. I am taking steps to honor my Lucy. I have wanted to sponsor a child, but for me there was always a but. I was saving money so I could take off of work to just be a mommy to my two girls for a little while so that was my big but. Some of that money is now going to a much needed vacation for my family where we can relax have fun and breathe new life into our family. Another portion is going to a much more important cause and that will be to help an angel in guatemala. My mom and I are each going to sponsor a child in the name of Luciana. A little spring blossom coming to life. The second spring blossom is that I have remembered why I am in LOVE with my husband. Not that I ever forgot honey :) but we all know what happens in life you are married for several years and you just coast along taking the other for granted. I am seriously in guilt of this. My savior, Knight in shining armor, and best friend has been amazing through this process. I would not want anyone else by my side sharing this winter storm. Thank you thank you honey for being the most wonderful husband and father EVER. Lastly I said that I would remove these words from my blog but I may just keep them here. It doesn't feel right to erase my girl from existance. Lily will know all too well that life is not fair and that you will need to overcome many winter storms. Being an adopted child she was born into a winter storm and gets to create as many spring blossoms as she wants along her journey. I think she should know of storms that others have weathered. I am doing her no justice by making life appear rosie all the time. Last but not least here are some new photos. Really isn't that why we come here. Lily is life and love and my heart I am so happy to have this child in my life. Makin brownies for mommies party. Sleeping angel "Wook mommy I'm playing in the sandals." Smilin and swimming!

Loss

I am going to write these words here because I must get them out of me. I must find a way to face all I told with a brave face and a heavy heart. I will never know why. Why I was aloud to feel small flutterings inside of me and see ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes. A nose so small and four chambers of a perfect beating little heart. I will never get to know why I got to hear the words whispered that it was a girl. And the joy in knowing her name as she floated in my tummy. I am writing these words here because I know I am going to have to face the world and here is my one tiny step when what I want to do is crawl into a hole and cover my head. This is my vehicle my first step in my journey to wholeness again. Luciana was her name. She was gonna have curly dark hair thats what my dreams will let me imagine of a little one that will never be. I am going to allow myself to grieve this loss and then I am going to take these words away from this blog. Not because I want my Lucy to be forgotten. I assure you I will always hold her close to my heart and I will always remember, but this blog is a place of happiness and a place of growth and it is not for me. It is for Lily. I want her to look back on her story as she grows up and Lucy is not a part of her story she is a part of mine. As I allow myself time to grieve the loss of Lucy I am so happy for my miracle. I am so happy that the world brought us together and I have this little person to cuddle and love. As I grieve the loss of Lucy I get to celebrate the life of Lily. What a lucky mama I am to have such a wonderful family.

FFF #6

This weeks theme for favorite foto friday is bloopers. I haven't had a good blooper in awhile but we sure did when sass was little. Here are a few of my favorites. The finger in the nose is purely accidental and my favorite. Now she thinks putting her finger in her nose is a funny game and shrills in delight when I ask her to stop. It is seriously hard not to laugh!



On a more serious note I need the power of positive thought. I am still bleeding during this pregnancy. The doctor says she would be surprised if I miscarried at this point and the baby looks really great. It is disconcerting anyways as bleeding during pregnancy has never ended well in the past. So keep our unborn baby girl in your thoughts and prayers for us.