Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers

Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers

Saturday, June 9, 2007

5 days and counting

oooohhhhhhhhhhh! A sweet sigh of relief!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have 5 days of work left until a long awaited summer vacation. A feeling of calm washes over me as I realize that I get to be a mommy. This is why I became a teacher. So that I could spend lazy summers with the children I knew I would one day have. So here we are. This past year has been wonderful and rosie and full of firsts, but alas a road worth traveling does not come without its bumps and there, I must say, have been bumps. I have not been stellar at sharing my daughter with others. It is hard to see your little one bonding with another. I dreamed that my mom and Lily would be close and that they would have a special kinship. I just didn't know it would leave me feeling empty and alone in my own family at times. I am so grateful and lucky to have a mom who loves and wants to spend the days with Lily and I wish that that evil little guy called jealousy would not rear his ugly head. But alas I am not perfect and I am good at hiding my emotions from everyone except my family. So hee hee sorry guys :) And then there is the fact that Lily did not come from my womb. Did not spend the first 6 months of her life smelling my scent and hearing my voice so there is always the thought that perhaps she has not bonded to me and is that an adoption issue or a kid issue. Truth be told it is probably a little of both and will always be a little of both. Hence the reason for my relief! We will work on mommy daughter bond over the summer and then ride this roller coaster of emotion again when the time comes. My mom told me parenting would be hard, the adoption agency warned me there would be work, and the reward is everyday when she puckers her little lips to give me a kiss and gives me the I love you sign. Yes dear sweet Lily mama loves you!

2 comments:

plumm said...

Oh Sarah...as you know I am in a very similar place. Except Kai's primary bond is with Daddy. So, this is a great thing..He should love and adore his daddy. But sometimes Mommy feels really left out. Really. Left. Out

Our summer has been dubbed 'the summer of love' because I have a pretty similar agenda to you...

Luke is going to be in preschool 2 mornings a week and those will be Kai and my special days.

Here's to a long, easy summer...

Sophia said...

Hey, Sarah! I know just how you feel. Eric's mom watches Maya 3 days a week, and they have a very tight bond. There is no one I would rather her be so close to, except me! And we really are very close. I know Maya sees me as "mommy" and Gran as, well, "gran." But occasionally I hear a 'mommy' come out when she's talking to gran and my heart just breaks. So I'm very stingy with my Maya time. I resent every minute at work that I'm away from her and someone else is with her. And I know it will just get worse when Maria comes home.