They say it's your birthday

So this birthday is very special. I am 32 (technically tomorrow) and it is the first birthday I don't feel the pressure of the biological clock like a ticking time bomb. My 30th birthday we were sure I was pregnant. I just went through a round of fertility drugs and I was sure like always that this would be it. That this would be the pregnancy that would last. We rolled baby names around and thought about whether this child would have my lips or Peter's nose. We were not pregnant and it was around this birthday Peter and I decided it was okay to let that dream go. I am so happy we did.

My 31 birthday our adoption was almost complete. We were waiting for word that we could travel. I was so nervous. What if's were rampant. What if I was a terrible mother, what if we didn't bond, what if I didn't feel magic when I first layed eyes on my baby, what if the baby got sick while we were in Guatemala, What if the plane crashed, what if..........................

So now here we are and I am not a perfect mother but I am a happy one and I have this little wonderfully strong funny person in my life. And it doesn't matter that she doesnt have my features or my genes. We are family and it is fabulous. I have gotten some wonderful gifts for my almost birthday. But the best gift of all is currently calling my name and it is the best sound. I must go cuddle and love her. Happy birthday to me.